Angels and Shinigami
by thatswhyyyoudont
Summary: L X Light slash. After they died.
He thought there would be nothing when he died. No heaven, no hell, no Shinigami. He could hear his Father and the others somewhere in the background, over his body, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He kept looking into the nothingness, until his eyes seemed to adjust and fixed on a figure in the distance.

" _L_?"

The other man looked at him, expressionless as ever.

"Is it really you? You're here?"

"Yes."

"Come here," he begged. He stretched his arm out to him like a child, hot tears streaming down his cheeks. L took his hand, and instead of hauling himself up, Light yanked L down and hugged him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he chanted. L let him hang on to him and keep burbling. "It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I thought about you all the time. I- " It became too hard to talk, so Light just held him and wept.

L sighed, and let him. "Light," he said gently, after a little while. "This might be your last chance to see your father. You might want to, I don't know, look."

Light lifted his head from L's shoulder and turned to look, still clinging to him as if he would disappear. Then he saw the look on his father's face and shuddered, and turned right back. "No."

L didn't speak again until they were long gone. "You look different," he said. "Older."

"I'm 25 now."

"My age," he said sadly.

Light pressed into his chest. "Have you been watching?"

"No. I'm not a God, I can't do that. I've just been dead."

"Does it feel like it's been 5 years?" Longer? Less?

L just shrugged.

"What's here? What have you been doing?"

"Nothing."

"Is Watari here? Or anyone?"

"No."

Light found his hand. "Well. I'm here now."

"Yes. Now."

"I doubt I'm going anywhere."

L said nothing.

"I feel like I need to sleep," he said. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

"I imagine so."

Light kept hugging him. "Did you love me?"

"Yes."

It made him feel both better and worse. He slept.

* * *

"Maybe we can find something," Light said when he woke.

L didn't look very enthusiastic. "You have a lot of energy and feelings right now," was all he said. "It gets harder."

But he went with Light, looking for anything. He seemed to need to rest more than Light, as if making up for all those lost hours in his life. Soon they were sleeping more and more.

One day – or night, or whatever it was – L collapsed without warning and didn't get up again.

Light dropped to his knees and held him, a grotesque parody of when he died. "Are you OK? Are you OK?"

L was looking at him, faintly puzzled. "Yes. Why are you upset? Nothing can happen to me now."

"I don't know. What happened? Did you go dizzy?"

"No. My legs just sort of gave out."

"I'm sorry. We don't have to walk any more."

"OK."

* * *

L talked less and less after that. He answered in monosyllables, and sometimes Light had to shake him just to get him to look at him. Sometimes Light slept too and was content, but for the most part the fear wouldn't leave him, and he would hold onto L's hand and beg him to talk to him. He had a sense of foreboding that the other man didn't seem to experience.

Then one day, or night, it happened. Light woke feeling that L was unaccountably warm, snuggled into it for a second before realising something was wrong. "L," he said, sitting up. He began to shake him urgently.

He didn't expect L to wake up this time, but his eyes were on Light in a moment.

"I feel weird." He sounded very faint.

"Something's happening."

"It's not happening to you."

Light was realising bitterly that, on some level, he'd been expecting this.

L saw and his eyes flashed with feeling, in a way Light hadn't seen since he was alive. "I'm not leaving you. Not again."

"It's OK," he said. "You deserve to go somewhere better. Not to rot here with me."

"No," he said, like a child. "I don't want to. Not without you."

"I love you," Light said, stroking his hair. He hugged him again and settled down to wait.

"Lawliet," L said, after a while.

Light had to move his head closer to hear him. "Mm?"

"Name. Lawliet."

"Oh," he breathed.

L didn't speak again.

* * *

He didn't know how long he'd been there for when Ryuk found him. He hadn't bothered moving when L was gone. At first he was very cold, then he felt nothing.

"Light. Light. Light-o. Yo. _Light_."

He finally opened his eyes. Ryuk was hanging over him, grinning.

"L?"

"Nope."

"Where is he?"

"How should I know?"

"He was here."

"I don't know anything about that. Hey," he said, when Light closed his eyes again. "I'm here for _you_ , Light-o."

"I want L."

"What you kill him for, then?"

His eyes stung.

"Anyway, he might be with us."

Light opened his eyes again and stared at him.

Ryuk shrugged. "Don't look at me. No-one tells me anything. But he's gone somewhere, hasn't he?"

"You're lying," he said, but he sat up.

Ryuk grinned, held out a hand and waggled his fingers at him. "Let's go."

* * *

The Shinigami realm was somehow underwhelming to him. He barely paid any attention to what Ryuk told him.

"How will I know if L's here?" He kept asking.

"Huh? Oh, I don't really think he is," Ryuk said dismissively. "I mean, I haven't seen him. Why would he be here? He'll be, y'know, wherever good people go."

"But can't we find out?"

Ryuk wasn't listening to him. "Yo, Rem!" he called.

Light stiffened. The other Shinigami's eyes fell on him, and she frowned.

"You remember L, right?" Ryuk was saying. "The guy you killed for this guy so he would save that girl?"

"I remember," she said flatly.

"He here?"

"L? No. He definitely is not."

"See?" Ryuk said, as Rem turned to go.

"Then where is he?" Light called after her. "Where would he have gone?"

She gave him a considering look. "Probably, somewhere you'll never see."

* * *

Years passed. Light got used to his new life, to Ryuk's mockery over the irony of it all, as a Shinigami. As time passed, he grew wings and claws and fangs, like the rest of them, and his eyes went red. He gradually forgot about his father, all details of his human life. He took little interest in the world down there, killing at random whenever he felt like it.

Sometimes, he would listen to the others talk of the _other_ world, the one above them, with a sharp longing that he didn't understand.

One day, there was an animated energy amongst them all that even he in his lethargy picked up on. Something was happening. He went to Rem, who normally knew everything and got to the point when explaining it. "What's going on?"

"There's an angel here," someone said excitedly.

"An _angel_?" He wouldn't have been more mystified if someone had said a dog was here.

"I've seen him," someone else said contemptuously. "It's not one of the real ones. It's just a baby angel."

"Baby angel?" Light was picturing cherubs rolling around the Shinigami skies and looked at Ryuk for clarification.

"Y'know. Someone who's been an angel for – I don't know, about as long as you've been a Shinigami."

"So I'm a baby Shinigami?"

"Sure, why not?" he agreed. "But angels – real ones, I mean – are scary. They're nothing like us. This one is apparently all cute and not scary."

"Well, what's he doing here?"

"Someone said it's tactical. That we have to start building bridges with them. Makes sense to start with the babies. He doesn't remember anything. They never do, when they cross worlds."

"Convenient," Light observed. He was secretly intrigued. This was just about the most interesting thing he could remember happening here. "Can I see him?" he asked Ryuk.

"Sure. You-" then he made a sort of gagging sound and grabbed hold of Rem. "You realise who it must be."

"Yes. Be quiet."

Ryuk gaped at her for a moment, and then began to howl with laughter. He couldn't look at Light for about a minute.

"What? Who is it?" Light kept asking, irritated, to no avail. He finally looked to Rem in exasperation. " _Can_ I see him?"

She hesitated for some reason, but then led him out, as Ryuk cackled behind them.

"What's going to happen to him?" he asked as they flew. "Will he go back? Turn into a Shinigami?"

"He can't go back. I don't think so. I'm not sure," she answered thoughtfully. "Someone has to look after him if he is to enter this world. He won't survive here alone. The shock will hurt him, especially as he is so young. And we can't hurt him – we can't afford any more quarrels with them."

"What was Ryuk laughing at?"

She didn't answer for a moment. "Ryuk is a fool," she said quietly.

The angel, or baby angel, or whatever he was, was disappointingly boring. Aside from his huge white wings, he looked completely human. He was in jeans and a white shirt, barefoot, and looked about Light's age. His eyes were dark and disconcertingly large. The other Shinigami however, who had flown over for a look, were gazing at him in awe. They'd formed a little semi-circle and were looking at him like he was good enough to eat. He looked a little uncomfortable at the attention. It was next to him that Light realised what monsters they all were.

"Hello again," Rem said. "Apologies. We're still figuring out what to do with you."

"That's all right. I hardly know what's going on either."

For some reason, his voice made Light's hair stand on end. He found himself staring just as intensely as the others. Maybe even more so, because the angel kept giving him odd little glances.

"This is Light," Rem introduced him. "He's, um, about your age."

"Hi."

Light managed to give him a little wave. "What's your name?"

The angel considered him with his huge eyes. "You can call me L," he said finally.

L _. L._ Why was that so familiar? He stood there practically squirming while L and Rem talked, a sense of urgency building in him. _His name._

"What's L short for?" he blurted, interrupting them.

Black eyes bored into him again. "That's irrelevant."

Hearing the voice again helped. Random, irrelevant names – Lind, Ryuzaki, Ryuga – burst into his head, and finally it came to him. _"Lawliet."_

L's head jerked in his direction, and his eyes actually darkened. Light took a step back. He began to understand why the Shinigami were nervous of them. But then the look was gone as quickly as it came and his features softened again. "What did you say?"

The others were looking on greedily, enjoying the show. Light just stared at him. He felt strangely close to tears.

L turned back to Rem then. "I want him to look after me," he said, pointing at Light. "You said I had a choice and I choose him."

Rem looked at Light questioningly, who nodded, too choked up to speak.

"He hasn't been one of us for very long," Rem told L uncertainly. "It might be better to- "

"He knows my name," L said adamantly. "Only safe people know it."

"Like Watari?"

L stared at him again.

"Picture me without wings. And the eyes. And the teeth and the claws- "

"I was," he said softly. He was looking puzzled.

"All right," Rem said. "If you're sure about entering our world, you will go into some shock. You might not be able to fly for some time. That's why you'll need Light to look after you. It'll hurt."

L was nodding thoughtfully, biting his thumb. "I don't really remember hurt."

"Well, it's quite unpleasant."

His eyes flicked uncomfortably to the Shinigami surrounding him, looking on with interest. "Does everyone have to see me hurt?"

"No." She turned to them. "Leave. Now."

There were a lot of grumbles and protests, but no-one quite dared to argue with her. They eventually all slunk away.

L inched a little closer to Light, looking nervous.

"Take his hand when you're ready," Rem told him.

" _I_ have to be the one to hurt him?" Light asked.

"It'll hurt him whoever's hand he takes."

They looked at each other.

"It's OK," Light said, offering his hand. "I'll help you."

He looked at the hand for a moment as if it might bite him, then closed his eyes and grabbed it. He went down like he'd been struck, and clung to Light while convulsing.

"What's happening? What do I do?" he asked Rem, but before she could answer, L suddenly went still. His grip on Light's hand relaxed, and he slumped against him weakly.

"Get him out of here," Rem said, breaking his thoughts. "Keep him out of the way until his strength and memories come back. Some of the other Shinigami may not take to him too well."

* * *

He landed them in a pleasant, deserted spot when he hadn't seen any Shinigami for miles. He took L into a shallow cave, just in case, where it was easy to see out and there weren't as many clouds. He leaned back against the cave wall, letting L fall across him. He was pretty tired. L's wings alone probably weighed as much as he did. He wanted to get a better look at him now, but his dark hair was in his face, and Light was afraid to touch him.

He didn't have to wait long before he began to stir and sat up.

"Hi," he said, feeling almost shy.

"Hi," L said, wincing. He rubbed at his wings.

"Are you OK

"I think so. My wings hurt a little. And I think I'm…cold?" he looked at Light with his wide eyes.

"Cold?" Light repeated uncertainly. His memories of human sensations were vague, hazy. He drew his wings around L, who sighed and leaned into him.

"I remember I fought so hard to come here," he murmured into Light's chest. "I don't remember why, but I know it was important."

"You'll figure it out," Light told him, his memories gaining more clarity. "It's what you did."

"Mm?"

"When you were alive. You…figured things out. To help people."

"Isn't that all humans do?"

"Not like you," he breathed, remembering.

"You remember being alive?"

"Bits."

"Oh. That must be nice." He snuggled into Light more firmly, seemingly unperturbed by his claws and wings and general monstrosity.

Light looked down at the feathers everyone had been so obsessed with. He could feel how soft they were despite their weight, and itched to touch them. He raised his hand almost unconsciously – and lowered it once he held his claws next to the feathers. He'd cut him to ribbons.

L appeared to be asleep again. Did angels need sleep, or was he just worn out, like Rem had said? _Lawliet_. He kept sounding it out, to lodge it in his head, though he knew he wouldn't forget it now any more than he'd forget his own name.

When L finally woke up, he pushed away from Light sleepily and stretched his wings to their full breadth. He saw Light's face and laughed. "You have wings too, y'know."

"Yeah, but, yours are…"

"What, fluffy?"

He drew them lazily over his shoulders and stroked them as if they were pets. "They ache," he complained. "I don't think I'll be going anywhere for a while." He gave Light a big smile then. "Thank you for looking after me like this, Light. I'm really glad I found you. I feel so much more at ease with you than the others."

He nodded stupidly. "You don't remember me yet?" He immediately wished he hadn't, as L's eyes went wide with worry.

"Should I?"

"It's OK. It'll come."

"Can't you give me an idea?"

"Trust me, from what I remember, I could give you a five act play and it still wouldn't do it justice," he murmured. He stretched his own wings, which ached from being curled around L for so long.

L looked like he was about to argue, when a shadow fell over them from the cave entrance.

"Sup, Light. L," Ryuk nodded at the other man, as if it had only been days since he saw him.

L looked at Light expectantly. "Who's he? How does he know my name?"

Ryuk looked at him, then at Light, and burst out laughing all over again. "Oh, you poor thing, you must be heart-broken," he said, cackling.

"Shut up, Ryuk," Light snapped. L was looking between them warily. "How do we get his memory back? And mine, for that matter? I know I'm missing something important here."

"You don't say," he drawled, coming further into the cave and resting on his elbow. Then he shrugged. " _I_ don't know. You guys are old, even if you're just babies. You've forgotten. You should have wrote it all down somewhere." He waggled his eyebrows meaningfully.

Light stiffened. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw L tense too.

"The Death Note," he said slowly.

Ryuk was going through his pockets. "Not that one, not that one…ah, here we go."

He held it out to them with relish. "Don't ever say I don't do anything for you, Light-o."

Light hesitated, then touched the note – and remembered everything.

"Light?" L was looking at him worriedly. Ryuk was chuckling to himself.

"It's OK," he said to L. "Touch it."

"Why?"

"L, Lawliet, just trust me, OK? Touch it and you'll understand everything."

L looked at it uncertainly. Ryuk waggled it at him.

Rolling his eyes, Light took the Note and thrust it into L's hands. He saw the moment that he remembered. Even Ryuk went quiet. Then he dropped the note and hugged Light, hard, and Light felt something very painful inside him loosen.

"You guys," Ryuk complained. "I feel compelled to remind you that there is no sex in the Shinigami realm."

L pulled away and handed him back the Note. "Thank you," he said.

"Sure thing," his eyes were glittering. "Now how about you do me a favour?"

L and Light exchanged glances. "We don't have any apples, Ryuk," Light joked uncomfortably.

"I know," he rolled his eyes. He turned to face L. "Let me touch your wings," he said plaintively. "Just for a second. I won't take a feather or anything like that. I'll be very gentle."

"What is it with you guys and wings?" L said nervously, backing away from him.

"Come on," Ryuk whined. "You don't get it. You don't know how it feels to go so long without being near anything good."

"I'm not good."

"Just gimme a wing, baby angel. Please."

L looked at Light.

"Don't tell anyone where we are, Ryuk." Light warned him.

"Of course not." He held a hand out to L, palm up, like he was a dog. "Come on. Light would cut me up if I so much as scratched you."

"It's up to you," Light said to L.

L looked at Ryuk again and shrugged. "It doesn't bother me." He inched forward and held out a wing. "Oh," Ryuk said, as he touched it very gently with two fingers. "That's so nice." His whole face had softened.

L was looking uncomfortable.

"It's true what they say," he said dreamily. "I feel so much better now."

"Really?" L said. "I don't feel anything."

"O-K," Light said, after a little while, tugging L back. "This is getting weird."

Ryuk made a face at him, then grinned and winked at L. "Thanks, baby angel."

"Ryuk," Light said, irritated. "By the way, did Rem remember us?"

"Sure," he tittered. "She hated you. She said you guys were squirming to get to each other and you couldn't figure out why. It sounded hilarious."

"And no-one was going to tell us? And is L only here to be with me, or is there something else going on?"

"You figure it out," Ryuk said, raising his wings, still laughing. "You guys are the detectives."

Light shook his head in exasperation after he'd gone. "That was weird. I hope he doesn't come back and like, touch you again."

L didn't say anything for a minute.

"L?"

He looked at Light flatly. "You killed me."

Light just stared at him. "Can I touch your wings?" he blurted.

He stared at Light for a moment, then rolled his eyes. "Unbelievable." But then he crawled into Light's arms and stayed there, which Light took for a yes.

He ran his hand over the feathery down, and instantly felt calm. "L," he sighed. "Sorry about the claws. And, you know, everything else."

"It's OK," he sighed. "I know more than you."

"You always did."

"No," he said, fluffing his wings out more firmly into Light's hands. "I meant because I've been somewhere else."

"Oh," he said, not understanding, or caring. "Well, what next? Seeing as you know so much."

"Well, no pain or death, we've got a pretty good deal here. Except, there's no sex or chocolate."

" _Those_ are the things you remember? Some angel you are."

"I'm a great angel," he said indignantly, shifting in Light's lap so that he practically rutted against his cock. "Let me think about it."

"About what a great angel you are?"

"About what to do next."

Light caressed the underside of his wing, closer to the shoulder, and L gave a little animal shiver and drew them closed. "Don't."

"Why? Do you like that?"

"It feels weird."

"Weird how?" he asked, running his hands over them insistently.

"Don't, Light. I mean it. You don't know how hard it was getting back to you. I'm not losing you againjust because you can't keep your hands to yourself."

Light took his hands off his wings as if they burnt him. "That won't happen, will it?" he said in alarm.

"No. But I need to think and you're distracting me. Why don't you sleep?"

"I don't sleep."

"Do it anyway. I always liked watching you sleep."

"And that's not weird," Light murmured, settling down anyway.

* * *

He was warmer when he woke, and the ground was somehow softer. L's wings must have brought some of his old sensations back. There was a sort of tapping beside him. He reached for L sleepily.

"Good morning."

"Morning," he murmured. He opened his eyes, and shot up in bed. _In bed._

"Light?" L was staring at him, fingers paused over his laptop. "Are you OK?"

Light couldn't speak.

"Did you have a bad dream?" L said uncertainly. "You were moaning. I was going to wake you, but…at one point it sounded like good moaning."

He wondered if this was a trick, if the Shinigami were pulling a joke on them both. "Are _you_ OK?" he said uncertainly.

"Me? I'm fine."

"What's the last thing you remember?"

L looked at him a bit strangely. "As in, last night? Well, you came over around 9, we had sex and then we slept. Then I woke up and checked my email." He tapped his laptop meaningfully.

"We had sex?" he said stupidly.

L narrowed his eyes, closing the laptop. "You don't remember? I'm a little offended. You seemed to enjoy it enough at the time." He pulled Light's hair gently in mock admonishment.

Light leaned into his hand. "I'm just - so confused. I love you."

L loosened his hand, softening. "Well, you got that right," he drawled. "Tell me what you dreamt."

Light thought. The sense of urgency was leaving him, and he was finding it harder and harder to remember what had prompted it. "It was about the Death Note. You died, and then I died, and we were…dead," he finished lamely.

L raised his eyebrows. "Well, I can see why that's got you thrown."

"Shut up," he said. Then he hugged him again.

* * *

He went through the day in a haze. It was only by evening, when L was on the phone, that Ryuk showed up.

"Relax," he said. He tilted his head towards L. "He can't see me."

"What's going on?" Light asked quietly, watching L. "Tell me this is real."

"It's real," Ryuk assured him. "You'll forget everything soon. I'm just checking it went fine. Let's just say, someone up there really likes L," he laughed.

"And me?"

" _L_ really likes you," Ryuk corrected, glancing over at the other man, who was speaking rapidly in what sounded like Russian. "There's no accounting for taste."

L snapped his phone shut then and strode straight through Ryuk, who didn't flinch. "I'm going to start blocking calls some weekends. I'm so done," he said, curling into Light's arms.

Light tensed. He was still getting used to this. He looked at Ryuk over L's hair, who gave him a thumb's up. "Well, you kids have fun. Leave an apple on the window, huh? For the road." He winked, and with that he was gone.

"Are you OK?" L was saying. He started massaging Light's clenched fist. "You're sort of weird today."

He breathed and relaxed, letting his head come to rest against L's. "I'm OK."


End file.
